Monday, June 11, 2007

berlin motel 6

swore i wouldn't ever, ever, until i died, write anything about a certain hooor-ific mess named after a european metropolis and a famous hotel chain. let's just call her berlin motel 6. or budapesht raddison, if you like.... but i had to write this because my head would've exploded clean off my shoulders if i hadn't....

from yahoo news--excerpt by LINDA DEUTSCH, AP Special Correspondent:

"Hilton entered the courtroom weeping and continued to cry throughout the hearing, which lasted more than an hour….
Her body shook constantly as she cried, clutching a ball of tissue, tears running down her face. "

Touching, innit?

But now, with just a few selective edits, we remember why we all know paris in the first place:

"Hilton entered the (blank)room (blank)ing and continued to (blank) throughout the (blank)ing, which lasted more than an hour….
Her body shook constantly as she (blank)ed, clutching a ball of (blank), (blank) running down her face. "

barron should hang his scrofulous head in shame, and conrad would spin like a virgin on a tilt-a-whirl if he knew what his kin had become....

Monday, June 4, 2007

mind over madder

just got back from a hard day's night on the mountain with an unappreciative audience of six, but lived to tell the tale (meanwhile enjoying the scenery, knowing that i'd make it home by 1 a.m. at the latest, where an inviting bud was waiting for me--and a newcastle brown ale to chase it down with, too).

oh my god, and here it is 1:30 a.m. and i've had a bud (mmmm!) and am still enjoying the newcastle -- i can see the future! it's like a superpower or something!

wow, wait, more's coming--yes, yes, it's getting clearer....i oversleep in the morning and wake up in a hangover/nugfog matrix, cursing myself and the bastard who invented mondays!

Saturday, June 2, 2007

lest ye be jugged

this is from the edge, (4/4/07):
"Amount by which the salary of Judge Judy exceeds the
salaries of all nine Supreme Court justices combined:
$26 million."

if you ever need ammo in the "good morning, america--
now please wake up and pull your head out of your ass" discussion...

random thought...

you know what you don't see much of?
hillbilly jews....

Saturday, May 26, 2007

the longest yarn

it was not, in reality, so very much at all like finding oneself strolling jauntily down a lovely path, arm in arm with one’s best sweetheart, the sun shining brightly up above, reminding one that it was, indeed, summer at last; the fragrant smell of lilacs wafting along the gentle wind (the same wind that, just this spring, showed its less benevolent side in the form of a tornado that killed 4 people in this county alone, taking along with it a dozen houses and one’s prized milch cow, besides); carrying with it as well the faint sound of the calliope, reminding one that--gracious, how could one possibly have forgotten?--the county fair has begun, causing one’s heart to race as one (albeit only briefly, remembering one’s position as junior deacon in the local baptist church) imagines the soft feel of crinoline as one takes dear Genevieve by her wispy midsection and helps her gently mount the painted wooden horse (of which, one is not too proud to admit, one does feel a certain degree of irrational jealousy toward a lifeless, shellacked representation of a noble quadruped); no, when one strips oneself of the illusions one has created, when all has been considered and one decides to be utterly and completely honest with oneself, it was not very much like that at all….
it was, in all candor, no walk in the park.
it puts one in the now, though, to see one's finger lodged snuggly between the door edge and the frame of one's 2-ton a zen-like calm, one may be forgiven for uttering to oneself: "all may not be well in this scenario...".

Friday, April 13, 2007

stick your dickens

"If you asked many people today under 30 to name five Dickens novels, they probably couldn't. We are going to bring Dickens to life.” Ross Hutchins, manager, Dickens World (just opened Chatham theme park)....

(And I'll be highly, highly disappointed if they don't include the Children's FunHouse Sweatshop and the Flume Ride [or should I say Phlegm Ride] through a tuberculoric brechea tube mock-up)....

OK, so, I challenge everyone to try.
Ok. 5 Dickens novels. Here goes!

1. Um, Hard Times
2. Nicholas Nickleby
3. David Copperfield
4. Great Extirpations
5. Um, Uh… Grumblebee Gramblebum….

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

prima post

well....what are YOU looking at? never seen a half-man, half badger before?